I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
