just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
