no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
