I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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