Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
