I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
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