Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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