Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
