you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
