how can u be prego again
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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