i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Someone shit on the floor
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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