i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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