Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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