i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
