fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
