I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
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