ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
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Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
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Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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