im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
You may now shotgun with the bride
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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