its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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