I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
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