So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
