I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
we have pet lesbian snakes
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
