I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
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