if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
