It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
