If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
