I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
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I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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