I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Who died my cat blue again?
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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