U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
