I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
