There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
