it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
