you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
