Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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