I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
