have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
