it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
