Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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