Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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