Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
