umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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