good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
