I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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