My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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