I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
