then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
too bad you live with your parents still
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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