So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
