I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
