Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
