Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
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