We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
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You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
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Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
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