u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I could make wine with my vomit
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
