im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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