I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
operation harelip BJ is a go
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
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