If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
