I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
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