I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
