Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
