Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
