I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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