the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize
