I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My friends, they love my intelligence
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
