Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
