it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
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That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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