i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
