Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Randomize
