the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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