i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
